Valentine’s Day is taken by many as a day that is meant to celebrate love and romance but often turns into a day of disappointment.
If Valentine’s Day left you feeling disappointed, here are 10 ways to deal with it and feel much better.
1. Rethink your expectations about Valentine’s Day.
You need to ask yourself;
Was it really fair of me to expect him to plan an extravagant date and pick out a thoughtful gift…when I didn’t do the same for him?
Was it really fair of me to expect him to know exactly what I wanted for Valentine’s Day without ever telling him?
If you’re expecting your husband to know what you want, it’s time to rethink your expectations.
It might not be as romantic to have to tell him what you want, but my guess is, if you’re married to a good man who loves you, he probably wants to make you happy. He simply doesn’t know how. Instead of expecting him to read your mind, tell him some things you would like.
2. Talk to Your Partner
Explain to your partner how you feel post-Valentine’s Day. Don’t blame or point fingers. Use “I” statements to express your disappointment and take responsibility if you didn’t share your holiday wants with them. This way, your partner won’t feel attacked and they will be more open to hearing your feelings. You never know, maybe they were expecting you to do something for them!
3. Acknowledge the Positive
Instead of focusing on what your partner didn’t do, or the ways they fell short, redirect your attention to the ways they showed their love. Not everyone speaks the same romantic language—your partner refilling your car’s washer fluid may be a labor of love even if you don’t interpret the gesture that way. Perhaps your honey bought you flowers, but they aren’t your favorite ones. Or maybe your beloved opted to go out for dinner when you wished they had cooked for you. Let’s be honest: These are not real disappointments.
Forgiveness is just as much for you as it is for your spouse, because the truth is, unforgiveness hurts you. Sometimes, it hurts you more than it hurts the person you’ve chosen not to forgive.
If your spouse blew it this year with Valentine’s Day, forgive him.
5. Make it a point to tell him next year.
This year, Valentine’s Day is over…but next year can be different. Make a mental note to tell him next year exactly what would make you happy.
6. Ask yourself, did I make his day special?
It’s weird how men have so much more pressure on this holiday than women. It’s like women expect the man to bend over backwards making sure the woman knows she is appreciated and loved but the woman doesn’t have to do anything.
Remember, Valentine’s Day isn’t the day to celebrate women. It’s the day to celebrate relationships.
If you didn’t put much time or effort into making his Valentine’s Day special, it’s not too late. Sometime this week, do something for him to show him how much you appreciate and love him.
7. Consider postponing your Valentine’s Day
If this year didn’t go well, consider a redo. Who says you can’t celebrate Valentine’s Day on February 18th?
Talk with your spouse about what went wrong and what could make the day better, and then start over.
8. Change the way you view the holiday.
Valentine’s Day has become something much different than I believe it’s supposed to be.
Instead of being about commitment, love, and reciprocal appreciation, it’s become a day of unmet expectations, competition, and frustrations. It’s also become a day when much more is expected of men than of women.
Make Valentine’s Day a day for each of you to show your commitment to each other. Better yet, make it a day for you to take the love you have for each other and overflow that love into the lives of others.
9. Reevaluate the Relationship
If all of the above just doesn’t apply to your particular situation, then you may have a bigger issue on your hands. Maybe you did clearly express your needs, and your partner chose not to listen. Perhaps you said how much you love Valentine’s Day and you really wanted to do something special and your partner just didn’t seem to care. If your disappointment runs deeper than just this holiday, examine if this is the partnership you want to be in.
10. Do something for you.
One final way to overcome Valentine’s Day disappointment is to do something for yourself.
The truth is, no person is ever going to “complete you” and fulfill every longing. Honestly, that’s not even your spouse’s job. That’s God’s job. Do something this week to nurture THAT relationship.
Do something this week to make yourself happy, rather than expecting your spouse to fill that need in your life.